Broken Arrangements
by batdiva101
Summary: What are Ciel's true feelings for Elizabeth? Written in Ciel's POV. Anti-CielLiz Mention of SebCiel. Can you understand my ramblings?


A/N: Written for my writing class within about an hour. I understand it's not very good, so just bare with me. I put little to no effort into it, as it was a mere school assignment rather than one of my stories.

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She is my family, not my lover. I do not see why she cannot understand such a trivial piece of information. I am not in love with her, and this marriage will never work out. There are too many secrets that she does not know, yet she acts as if she knows everything there is to know about me. How ignorant that girl can be…

Lady Elizabeth Ethel Cordelia Middleford, the daughter of my predecessor's sister, my cousin. It's not for that fact that I find that the marriage could never hold; it is the fact that the arrangement for this eventual wedding was proposed the day I was born, when they did finally see that I was indeed a boy. In short, it is an arranged marriage. After all, nobles are expected to marry other nobles. It'd be considered taboo if I were to fall in love and marry someone not of blue blood. Why care about the happiness of the future groom? Shun him if he does not do what his ancestors so rightfully did.

At thirteen years old, three years after my parents were killed in a fire that destroyed my home, I found myself thinking about the fact that I've been the head of my family for that entire time. My childhood was taken from me early on, and now I do realize how unfair this world can be. I chose to run my father's business. I chose to take over my father's spot as Queen Victoria's faithful watchdog. At thirteen, me being only one hundred fifty-two centimeters (Five feet) tall and forty-two point six kilograms (Ninety-four pounds), means absolutely nothing to those around me who expect me to make everything right. Why I chose to continue my plans of marriage towards an idiotic girl that only cares about making everything in sight "cute" is quite beyond me, and I don't exactly know of a good reason to lead this one-sided relationship any further.

I can find someone better.

I apologize to you, Elizabeth, but I am rejecting you. You have not stolen my heart with your almost adorable ignorance, or with your beauty and so-called charm. My cold heart has no place for the likes of you, though you are the only family I have left. No longer my betrothed, I do wish you the best. At least now your elder brother will stop harassing me for being engaged to you. It seemed like he was the only one to see how much I loathed your presence. Perhaps I had more tolerance for you back when we were children. Back when I was more innocent, and back when my heart was not described to be the equivalent of stone.

Dang it! Why do you only come back to me when I insult you and tell you that you'll never have a spot in my heart? Were my words not harsh enough to convince to you that I am not in love with you? Can you really not see that I do not want to be fawned over by you, or to be married to you? Why do you not hate me or refuse to ever speak to me again?

I'm not worthy of your feelings when I cannot honestly return them, and after I have already spoken so harshly towards you. Does it not insult you to hear that I can find someone better than you? Does it really not bother you that I've been keeping things from you this entire time? Despite how willing you are, I highly doubt you could understand. There is far too much to explain, and whether you'll understand or not, I am not willing to tell you. Please, just leave me be. Do not love me.

My soul has been sold away, ready to be taken any day now. My demon dressed in black follows me around like a shadow. I reject your feelings to protect you. Please do trust me with this information, as I do not want anything to happen to you. Do not love me, as you'll be left with those feelings after my mission is complete. You'll be left alone without the person you depended on constantly to please you're every selfish whim. My contract can never be broken, as I am forever marked by my demon.

My own selfish acts will cause you nothing but sorrow, and I do not deserve your kind words. … I will treat you as family, just please forget about the arrangement. Marry someone who will love you more than I, and be happy. If you truly do have such strong feelings of affection towards me, please let me go. Let me continue with my selfish desires rather than trying to "save me from myself" or so you call it. I am conscious of my decision to not live very much longer. Once my contract has ended, my life will end and there no way in Hell that I can go back on it now. When you said you had a strange feeling about Sebastian, the butler I've had by my side for three years...you should have acted on it.

After all, now you see...

_**Sebastian is the closest one to my heart.**_


End file.
